Once upon a time, they were young and in love. He was The Fresh Prince and she was beautiful and versatile on-screen, making them Hollywood's hit pair, perfecting their roles even on the red carpet. As couples fell apart, people wanted to know their secret. But then "Will and Jada" grew up. Over time, the couple who exuded 'black love' was juggling marriage and parenting while living inside a fishbowl. And thus began the judgement.
As the years rolled by and the sheen rubbed off, we began to see that they were not perfect. They were real people with real problems. This was the couple that once made a pact to avoid love scenes out of respect for each other, worthy of emulation. But no one saw August coming. It was a bad move on Jada's part and she left a young man hurting. Welcome to the cougar life young lads! Tread carefully. The long sought after "secret" to their longevity was out! It turned out to be forgiveness.
What was pitched as an honest conversation about a breakdown in their marriage on Jada Pinket Smith's Red Table Talk, soon became the butt of all jokes relating to infidelity. Indeed, kudos to Jada for giving us "entanglement", which became a thing. Although the couple shared that the entanglement occurred during the breakdown, Jada will forever wear the Scarlet Letter as the woman who slept with a man other than her husband. Will Smith, who took a personal decision to mend the marriage, will forever look the fool for doing the unthinkable and taking back a wife who had sex with another man.
This brings me to the subject of monogamy. Society teaches us that it is difficult for a man to be monogamous. And this makes it acceptable. Many men have been forgiven for sleeping around. You would be hard pressed to find much evidence of them being labelled or vilified. Yet the moment, a woman does anything remotely close to that, she's the devil and no less. As the old Jamaican saying goes, "Jackass se di worl' no level". But I would caution my dear men friends that women can give as good as they get but are simply better at hiding it.
Furthermore, if by Will and Jada's account, the entanglement occurred during their break, she had all right to do with her lady parts as she saw fit. Again, the problem is the unfounded assumption that women sit around and wait, which is laughable. It's no wonder, some men never recover from it. The sooner men train their minds that a woman also can, the less shock and awe, heartbreak, suicide, and love triangle murders there will be. The struggle with monogamy is not unique to men, especially if a woman feels neglected, hurt, etc.
For me, the primary lesson in all of this is to keep your relationship private. I know this is hard in the digital age as we are prone to sharing everything. There is such a thing as oversharing. Will and Jada went too far being honest and vulnerable with an audience that wasn't ready. In the court of public opinion, it will always be summer for Will and Jada, as we will never make them forget.
I agree with Taraji P. Henson in her pronouncements during a discussion with Steve Harvey recently. The actress says she simply will not share anything until a ring is placed on her finger, because the Internet never forgets who you were with. I'd go further to not share too much after the ring goes on because this is when it becomes more critical. Mind you, I don't knock anyone who wishes to share, but it's just not my style. I'm forever single! Ok, maybe when the ring goes on (again), I'll give y'all a little peek but that's gonna be it!
Here are 5 reasons to keep your relationship private:
People are not always happy for you. You give yourself a chance to solidify it before it can be torn down.
You get to enjoy a genuine connection outside a fishbowl, without the pressures of social media. which force you to fake it.
It's no longer yours. It becomes everyone's relationship, and they all get to say how it should work.
It's harder to walk away, as you're obligated to keep up appearances and keep the "story" going.
Breakups are less dramatic. And you save yourself the task of deleting all those photos and posts declaring your undying love.
Outside of a relationship, you also want to save some of yourself from the public's wanting eyes. Along with her daughter and mother, Jada has been candid about her life at the Red Table Talk. We have learned a lot about her, enough to cast judgement on her character. Perhaps, she shared too much, including her illness. In the end, people aren't as caring as you'd like them to be, especially in today's world where all they need to trash you is a keyboard and a little data.
They say, "The devil is in the details" and the devil got the better of Will Smith on his well-deserved night of Oscar glory. Like many others, I fell in love with The Fresh Prince. But I do not know Will Smith. Despite what we saw on camera, I do not know that his wife made him do it. Until the same pity party is held for women whose husbands or boyfriends, sleep around, I'll allow the Smiths to sort their demons. Soon, the "resign from Jada" wagon will grind to a screeching halt when we accept it's not our business. In the now infamous Red Table Talk episode, Will posited that he thought he would never speak to Jada again following the August debacle. But he did and he says she is his "ride or die". They shared a lot; still all we know is what they shared.
My notification is set for the Red Table Talk as I will be tuned in for that episode examining "the slap heard around the world". In the meantime, my Saturday night movie will be Gemini Man, starring Will Smith, which is number 2 on Netflix in Jamaica today. Cancel Will? Oh, hell no! I pray he gets healing for himself and his family. And I trust that he and Chris Rock will be OK. If Will and Jada’s secret is forgiveness, we can learn that as we seek grace for both men who erred in different people’s eyes.
Always a fan of The Fresh Prince.
I am Suzette Campbell
Note: Originally published on April 2, 2022
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