Last week’s blog crushed a few male corns, especially those last couple lines which pretty much said that us women don’t just want to be nurse to an old man who took way too long to settle down. A couple of my male readers wasted not time in highlighting the fact that women are also guilty of being non-committal in ‘relationships’. I use the word cautiously because to me there is no relationship without a commitment. And yes, unknown to some men, women aren’t as ready to commit as they believe we are. It dispels the narrative that women for the most part are so much on the husband hunt that we will hop on to the next train leaving the station no matter the destination. Not so sir!
They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. We are supposedly worlds apart. But sometimes roles are reversed. If we are to follow the beginning story of the Bible, we would know that God made Adam and then he made Eve from his side, right where He expects her to remain. But when the Adams of today reject Eve, she must become a player of the game that men created. A significant modern move in this game which has men turning on their heads, is Eve’s unwillingness to commit! Here are a few reasons why.
She is broken
A hurt woman may be particularly slow to commit to the next man who professes his ‘like’ or ‘love’ simply because she does not want to endure that pain again. Experience teaches wisdom and we are coming in armed with tough lessons from our past, determined to not make the same errors again. It is unfair to the new man, but he must come through as authentic as can be to allay her fears that he is just another ‘John’ seeking to make a fool of her.
She wants to slow down
Call us confused, but we make look at a man sideways if he comes in too hot and fast. A man could do everything on a woman’s list and instead of being impressed or excited, she questions why he is so romantic, why he is so perfect, why he is so good to her, etc. “He is probably lacking something. He is probably hiding something. He is trying to fool me,” are some of the stories, however unfounded, we make up in our heads. And we are just waiting for the moment Casanova will slip, so we can have our “aha moment”. “I knew it! He was too good to be true.” And so, yes, we wait and wait and wait…For heaven forbid we ‘fall for it/him’, run off the altar, only to be left disappointed. Slow down and allow her to catch up if she wants to.
She is exploring
Yup! We do it too. A few blogs ago, in a Bridgerton review, I wrote about having a ‘season’ just like the hit Netflix series. Sometimes women want to date a few men at once. It is called a ‘roster’ in some quarters. It is just as the name suggests. So, this week it’s Tom, next week it’s Dick, and the other week it’s Harry, until we decide who to pick based on how each man shows up with the qualities that appeal to us. It is a game which requires much skill as no decent woman in search of a serious relationship wants to be ‘hoeing’ and sleeping with all three. But if she won’t commit, my dear brother you’re probably on a roster and may need to step up your game if you’re serious about her.
She won’t…because you won’t
Now why in heaven’s name do men expect commitment from a woman to whom they have not declared a commitment? If she realises that you both appear to have different goals, she will hold back. A smart and intuitive woman can decipher when a man is here or there. For example, if she wants children and does not see you as a potential daddy, she will not commit. Some women take on the task of trying to drag a man there, but others just don’t have the time. So be mindful of the signals you are sending, as she may just follow your lead to nowhere!
She is consulting the board of directors
Alright! So, the game has become so complex, that a sister has got to have herself a board of directors. The board consists of primarily close females in her life like friends, sisters, cousins, and there is the occasionally guy for that golden male perspective. She will give them the details surrounding her encounters with you and THEY will decide if you are worth the trouble. This can work for or against her, as sometimes we just have to pull up our big girl panties and face the music…risk it all! But sometimes, we just don’t wanna, and we will call on those extra lifelines, particularly in instances when we know a brother is spinning our heads and we aren’t thinking so clearly. Now, don’t go being abusive and controlling trying to keep her away from these people, because that won’t necessarily work in your favour. Just do the right thing!
She is focused on other things
Just like a man will claim to want to have his finances in order before settling down, so do women. The woman who craves independence a fulfilling career, higher education, might want to wait. And this is not to be used to judge her, because maybe she just wants that man to have her undivided attention. She may also want to ‘bring something to the table’ whether to make a real contribution or protect herself. It’s kinda like going on a date with ‘vex money’…just in case. Even with the threat of a biological clock, it’s a gamble that some women are willing to take.
Brothers, be gentle with her, be smart, and also be mindful that you ought not try and force a woman to be ready for you. You'll know when it's right. Chemistry is undeniable and it flows.
Dear sisters, the struggle is real. But be careful with the game, because in some regard, it is still a man’s world. And it’s a world which tends to have an older, salt ‘n’ pepper beard man looking more attractive that an older woman (cougar) who has lost some of the perks of her youthful appearance and reproductive abilities. Sometimes, we have to ride and whistle, ignore the noise or the board, dry those tears, and love again like we’ve got nothing to lose. It is easier said than done, but my word for 2022 is BRAVE.
I Am Suzette Campbell
Note: Originally published on May 28, 2022
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