It was the year 2003 and the name was My Space: "a place for friends". That keyword 'friends' was what drew many of us to the social media site. It allowed us to connect with people we had not seen since graduating from primary school, high school, university, etc. Those people were to some degree considered as friends. It was in this space that we would meet new friends online that we had never seen in person. How cool was that?! It was simple: create a profile, share your favourite photos, videos, etc., and chat!
Then came the game changer in 2004, The Facebook! Developed by a college kid who knew exactly what young people needed, the new Facebook was right there when My Space began to decline in 2005.
Over the years, an influx of other social media sites emerged including the ones that are more popular in Jamaica such as LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and on a more personal nature, Blackberry Messenger and WhatsApp. While all these platforms served a common person, each had a unique twist and in some instances the audience differed based on demographics such as education, age, and socio-economic backgrounds. Among the major benefits was the opportunity to chat with famous people you would probably never meet. The interaction, for the most part was lighthearted and fun. There were jokes galore!
Soon, the fun died down. These spaces all became a place for 'business' and fights. For one, the news took over. And every day we find a news story to fuss about. Companies were placing advertisements all over them and users were using the spaces to network, sell, and so on. It is good for business, and an affordable alternative to traditional media. And don't get me started on the opportunities created for the display of the divisive nature of politics.
We began to form 'friendships' with people we have never met, but who appeared to share some similar interests. But the truth is, they don't know us. Still, they will not hesitate to determine who you are based on a few posts. Overtime, what we have experienced is the transformation of social media into a volatile space. Volatile, not just in terms of the commercial nature but also the interaction amongst users. It has become a virtual space to settle the score man to man, woman to woman, and so on. Truthfully, I have participated in my fair share of squabbles, as the Aries in me won't back down from battle. But I must be getting old, because THIS is getting old.
I now question the veracity of social media as a place for 'friends', having deleted quite a number of persons from 'my spaces' and created boundaries by using disclaimers on posts pointing out my zero tolerance for BS and attacks. The keyboard has empowered people and created far more bullies than we ever thought possible. Social Media essentially telling the playground "hold my beer!" People type whatever they feel like saying, most of which they probably would think twice saying to someone's face. We call them 'keyboard bullies'. Realising the volatility of the space, the owners have tried to implement measures to reduce the 'keyboard war' by suspending accounts, etc. 'Facebook jail' is now a thing. And you will become an inmate even if you were simply defending yourself. It has forced many of us to think twice before typing, all the while some complaining about freedom of speech, etc. Sure, free speech is a thing, but to whom much is given, much is expected.
Recently, I watched a heartbreaking video of a grieving woman complaining about being attacked online amidst her grief. I felt her pain because it happened to me in another social space with family while I grieved. It causes one to remind oneself that the space we created years ago for 'friends', now has enemies waiting for an opportunity to attack. They do not show up for the jokes, but they are there as soon as there is a point on which they can disagree with you.
Social media is not a place to be vulnerable, etc. Putting yourself out there comes with great risks, making it not for the faint of heart. There is the story you intend to tell and there is the story that others hear or choose to tell on your behalf.
It is ironic that social media spaces have icons which mean like, love and share. Sharing isn't always caring on social media. It turns out that angry people love to share. I find it rather hypocritical that the same owners who created options like thumbs down and angry emoji are the same persons claiming to manage the interaction by throwing users in jail for bad comments which go against the 'community', etc. Not when they gave us the tools to fight!
In 2021, I fell in love with TikTok because in a strange way it seemed the most real of all the social platforms. There was less seriousness, fuss and fakeness. But it is slowly developing its own toxicity. Have you seen those reviews on Prince Harry and Meghan?
I saw my high school bestie recently and how refreshing it was. It took me back to a time when very little bothered us and friends were real.
We are now forced to face the reality that social media is not a real place with real people or real friends. Many of our 'friends' were never our friends and are in fact enemies.
Have a goal? Put in a planner.
Feeling vulnerable? Journal it or call a friend.
Did a 'friend' offend you? Delete them.
Got a friend request? Be careful who confirm.
Sharing a photo or video of yourself or family? Check it twice! Remember, it will be seen by many who will think it is too this or that and will pretty much tell you. Buy an album! :) Some things are reserved for just loved ones.
Have an opinion? Consider whether you can handle the onslaught if one decides to tell you in no uncertain terms that they disagree.
By all means, protect your peace and privacy. This is (almost) 2023, not 2003.
Still, I hope we will find a way to put the social friend element back in social media...for real.
P.S. I hope you have been having a Merry Christmas. What a year! Winning can be so tiring, it makes you forget you're winning. And then, you also lose some. Boy, am I glad this year is ending...
Did you miss me? I missed you too. :) Do drop me a line.
I am Suzette Campbell
Note: Originally published on December 27, 2022
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