It was near midnight in April 2020, when I stood by the bedroom window observing the stillness outside. My usually quiet community seemed quieter than normal, like a scene from one of those ‘end of days’ type movies. Not even the trees appeared to move. No dogs around. Nobody. The reality of the lockdown imposed on St. Catherine felt depressing and I wanted it to end. I pondered if this was it for us…forever.
It’s funny because I am more a homebody who hits the road occasionally for a ‘well-planned’ outing. But knowing that I didn’t have the freedom to go out if I wanted to, felt like I was being imprisoned. My emotions fluctuated from fear to anger to sadness. In that moment, I wish I could hop into my car and visit my family; something I’d never do under normal circumstances. It was the dead of night! I would have to explain all of this to my child. No school. No family visits. Just me and you son. My eyes welled with tears, but I didn’t cry. Instead, I pulled back the curtains and went to bed.
Over time, I accepted what was being dubbed as the ‘new normal’. Most of the things I love can be done at home. TV became my best friend. But then I missed the cinema; big screen, popcorn, hot dog and all. I found myself wanting to go the clubs, something I had not done in years! Like the forbidden fruit, I wanted everything I couldn’t have. So, then came the fluctuations between “I got this!” and “I’m done with this!”.
Two years later, Prime Minister Andrew Holness has put an end to the covid-19 containment measures implemented under the Disaster Risk Management Act (DRMA) in 2020 and I don’t know how to act. In some weird way, I feel like a convict who has been released early for good behaviour but is nervous about reintegrating in society.
Amidst work-from-home, lockdowns, etc., I got to know inside more than ever, I like it, and though I want to go outside, I am not sure what awaits beyond the comfort of my door. Covid isn’t over. At least, China is trying to tell us this and I am not amused.
I have been out cautiously a few times since covid-19. But guys, I wore a mask to the beach! I rented a cabana, and I only took the mask off under there or in the water. I removed the mask at the restaurant just to eat. I wear my mask in the office, most of the times. Essentially, I was afraid of people! If someone outside my circle approaches me without a mask, I get nervous. Surely, you can contract covid-19 from your circle but I have a little bit of comfort around them because we share so much, and I know so much about them. So, when my sister had a throat thing going on, I was like “see ya!” LOL!
In some ways, I feel like the ‘new normal’ has died and gone somewhere. You mean they won’t stop me at the door to check my temperature and spray the ‘sticky stuff’ on my hands? I can wear my lipstick and show my lip colour? Dash out di mask?
I am happy that the children have gone back to school. But hello! This traffic is worse than pre-covid! I just can’t! Could some of the workers go back to working from home or flexi-work? We are not ready. We are gonna need counselling to go back out. Help!
Anyway, I saw a ‘Good Times’ party advertisement a few days ago. This excites me, but then I don’t know how I can go to a party with people! LOL! What’s gonna happen to FAME Frequency on TVJ every Saturday night? Is that gonna disappear and be replaced by a ‘real-real party’? People got dressed up for it, with drinks! I want to go to a party, but I am having early anxiety about people breathing too close to me without a mask.
That night in 2020 when I stared out the window feeling dejected, I dreamt of this day and what it would be like. This morning, I topped up my mask case and dropped it in my handbag. I am wearing my mask today and for the foreseeable future until I feel comforted that China is done with us. I am not ready. I’ll be inside for a while, asking myself “Now what?”. While I figure this out and ‘check the temperature’ of this new-found freedom, y’all let me know how it works out in those streets. LOL!
P.S. I have been MIA from this blog for a couple weeks due to some other demands. I kicked ass, albeit tired but it’s all good. Two Letters to the Editor were also published in the Jamaica Observer, so you may have seen me there. Anyway, I know you’ve missed me, so I will try to not let it happen again. 😊
Still…STAY SAFE!
I am Suzette Campbell
Note: Originally published on March 18, 2022
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