“There will be time, there will be time...To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet" is a favourite quote of mine from the poem by T.S. Elliot, titled The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. I was a 6th former when I explored that poem. The line is even more relevant today, when we have grown quite accustomed to preparing a face.
Fans of the TV show, Divorce Court, would be familiar with Judge Lynn Toler. She is brilliant. She is feisty. She is funny. She is wise. She is 'serious as a judge', as we say in Jamaica. She is my favourite TV judge. So when she retired from Divorce Court, I was happy to find her on social media where she posts jokes or her own shenanigans daily. She also shares a lot about her love story with her husband, Eric Mumford, or as as she calls him, 'Big E'.
As no nonsense as she is, the Divorce Court judge is a sucker for love. She never hesitated to praise her 'Big E', thanking him for choosing her and giving up so much so she could grow in her career.
Throughout the 2022 Christmas season, Judge Toler continued to make us laugh. Now, imagine my surprise when she shared the sad news on January 4, that Eric had passed on December 23, 2022. He was 71. "I am in a million pieces," she wrote.
As I scrolled the comments, the sentiments were the same, sadness that 'Big E' was gone, but shock that Judge Toler still posted jokes to make us laugh during what must be the most difficult time in her life. I am sure I am not the only follower/fan who felt guilty for having a good time laughing while our favourite judge was in "a million pieces". We did not deserve her jokes. How could she have hidden her pain so well? She posted a joke on the 23rd...the day he died, on the 24th - the day after, skipped Christmas day and then posted jokes almost every day until January 3. She kept those laughs coming.
But we missed the pain in her eyes and her voice on December 31 when she posted a video of herself captioned "The Name of the Game in 2023...KEEP IT TOGETHER." She was wishing us a great year and reminding us to keep it together when things get tough, because she had to do that over the holidays. I suppose she kept it together in that video. I smiled as she buttoned her blouse saying animatedly that she didn't want to "have to worry about one of the girls jumping out". She cracked a smile too.
As I reflected on all of this, I had these thoughts:
It is a reminder that some of the people who make us laugh are not OK.
If we look closely beyond the smile, we can see when someone is in pain.
Life is happening to all of us and we don't always share the bad news. Today, Judge Lynn said she is going to give us a break from the "grief posts" and go back to her "normal corny self".
Don't just be there for the laughs. Be there for the sadness too.
Love with all your heart.
No matter how bad it is, keep it together.
It's a brand new year. We begin hopeful and excited with goals and resolutions. But we have no idea what's coming next. I wish you a great 2023 filled with all that you've wished for. And as Judge Lynn says, "Whatever happens to you, hang in there and keep it together."
I am Suzette Campbell
Note: Originally published on January 11, 2023
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