It was Wednesday but I wanted an ice cream sundae to help me get over the hump. After 5 minutes of knocking the counter, I was about to walk away when the server finally emerged from the kitchen. Suddenly, a woman burst into the shop and before I could get a word in, she began to order a burger, fries, and soda combo. For a moment, I was stunned. The server wasn’t sure whose order to take.
“I was here first,” I interjected politely. Something told me to be gentle with her. Well, unfortunately there was no Devon House ice cream. But I still needed comfort food, so I ordered a full house hot dog, while I gazed at the black forest cheesecake trying to decide whether I should indulge as a substitute for the sundae. “Lady, buy the cake!” she shouted.
I burst out laughing as I turned and looked at her. “A pure stress. Buy the cake. You have wine at home?” she asked. I told her yes and she went on to tell me that I should buy the cake, go home and have it with a glass of wine in front of the TV, as she was planning to do exactly that. By this time, I was cracking up.
We had a brief exchange about covid-19 and her fears about the disease and the vaccine. She plans to take it but is not yet ready. “The ones who were waiting to take it and died of covid-19 are the saddest stories I’ve heard,” I said. She asked about my experience with it, and I laughed saying, “I’m still here.”
Switching the subject, she said, “If I don’t laugh, I’m gonna cry. I have business stress, money stress and man stress. I feel like I want to leave the man I’ve been married to for 11 years.” Suddenly, the laughter stopped, and our conversation took a sombre turn as she recounted heart breaking experiences with her husband. “I tried to make him happy, so I could be happy. I figured if he was happy, he would make me happy. I did everything. I was always the one suggesting a fresh start, such as having a baby together,” she said. But despite her efforts, he never returned the favour.
She complained how he never visited her while she was in the hospital for 12 days, cheated while she recovered from a C-section and has never taken their son to school or picked him up. In fact, just days before, two of their vehicles were out and he borrowed hers to travel to the country, promising to pick them up at her shop only to receive a call telling her to find a ride home. She said, these days when he enters the house, her heart begins to race instantly, and she fears she will get sick if she stays in the marriage much longer. Anxiety and depression were beginning to affect her.
In approximately 15 minutes, she had told me so much about her life. “You are not alone. There are many women experiencing what you are going through. If it helps, I am divorced. You look like a strong woman. If you choose to leave, you will be OK. Life goes on and you deserve to live,” I assured her. While we talked, her son shouted “Mommy!” from outside, his torso protruding from the SUV. Duty called, as she told him to sit until she returns.
She took a deep breath, as we said goodbye. I hope the conversation with a stranger was helpful to her, as she got the opportunity to say a lot. A friend of mine says sometimes those you know are judgemental and you also feel ashamed to share. It seems she needed a safe space, and I was able to give her that. Moreover, I am glad I didn't take her on for skipping me at the counter.
The new year provides the environment for a mindset which embraces new beginnings with a certain boldness. May we have the strength to leave the old behind, as we chase the new, afraid yet brave.
P.S. The black forest cheesecake was delicious. I hope that lady enjoyed hers. Betty White, this one is for you.
I am Suzette Campbell
Note: Originally published on January 13, 2022
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