Standing in line at Popeyes on a Friday afternoon, I am thinking that my son, Malik is the only person who could make me do this. He gets to choose what he wants for dinner every Friday. To pass the time, I began scrolling social media, as well as ‘people watching’ in the store. A man wearing a tattered white merino, short pants, sandals, and corn rowed hairstyle caught my eye.
His gentleness toward his son belied his rugged appearance. The boy, who looked around 6 years old, was gleeful as he hopped across the store, occasionally returning to say something to his dad. Each time he left his sight, his father turned to scan the store, seemingly ensuring he was safe.
My observation is interrupted when the man starts quarrelling with a woman who accused him of skipping the line. He had left the waiting area and gone back to the counter to have a discussion with the cashier.
“Who are you?!”, she shouted, as she looked him up and down with scorn.
“Yu naa go dis mi wid yu standards, because yu work a bank or wherever!”, the irate man claps back, waging a class war on the woman.
Side note: She was not uniformed, but in Jamaica, every woman works at the bank. Sorry, bank ladies.
They went head-to-head until the woman’s mother begged her to drop it.
I stood in amazement at the source of the quarrel. Moments earlier when I entered the store, the woman’s mother had stepped in front of me. At first, she appeared to be reading the menu, but then I realised she had settled into the spot. I was the last in line [still keeping that Covid distance] and it’s a small store so I figured she couldn’t tell the difference between the cashier’s line and those waiting to be served.
The line starts moving and the mother is stepping forward. At this point, I am wondering whether her daughter will join the line and tell her mother she has skipped someone, or she will be deliberately obtuse. Perhaps she saw the shock on my face.
“Mummy! A ya so yu de!”, she says, apparently annoyed, as she joins the line behind me.
“I’m sorry”, the mother says, and joins her daughter behind me. I tell her it’s OK.
Flash forward to the fracas between the man and woman, and I couldn’t help but take note of the difference in reactions when one customer seemingly skipped another in line. I wondered whether the woman had forgotten that I was quiet when her mother stood in front of me, how she failed to take a cue and avoid an unnecessary conflict.
When the dust settled, the man resumed tending his son who was unbothered and still enjoying his Popeyes trip. The interaction between the two told a beautiful story of a man who perhaps owned little, but gave a lot of love and his best efforts to his son. I thought of the many stories of delinquent fathers, many of whom can do better, and I looked on in admiration of a parent who could make a fine example. This loving child brought out a softer side of a man visibly hardened by life.
The woman had shown up as a trigger for this man, and it’s something we are often guilty of doing. And I can hear the women saying men are this and that. But, aren’t we all?
He was still blowing off steam when I was moved to say to him, “Relax. You are doing a great job.” The words seemed to warm his heart as the anger disappeared from his face, and a warm smile emerged.
“Mi neva trouble har. Di cashier call mi an mi go. Next ting dis woman a cuss mi a nobody,” he explained.
“I understand. But your son is happy, and that’s because of you, so don’t spoil the evening for both of you,” I said.
He nodded in agreement.
Recently, we saw the man who had climbed the Half Way Tree Transport Centre. Reports suggested he had personal problems. The compelling photo of a man hugging him is the best photo I have seen this year. Another man who committed suicide in Portmore during the same period, is also said to have had personal problems.
Society demands a lot from men. After all, the 'good book' says they are in charge. But, said book also says a woman was made to complement him. This goes beyond personal relationships. A kind word here and there may do the trick.
Surely, some men can be a pain in the ass, and we will get into those details at another time. I have never been a man (lol) but I imagine it’s not easy. Mental health is not gender specific. Men's health and well-being is equally important to women's. Give the men a break.
It is universally known that men and women handle stress differently. In plain and simple terms...women talk, men don't. According to WebMD, one of the most important reasons why men and women react differently to stress is hormones. Three play a crucial role: cortisol, epinephrine, and oxytocin. While most people are familiar with the fight or flight theory (when confronted with stress, do you stay and fight or turn tail and run?), there's a new theory in town tailored just for women. Females were more likely to deal with stress by "tending and befriending" -- that is, nurturing those around them and reaching out to others. Men, on the other hand, with smaller amounts of oxytocin, lean toward the tried and true fight or flight response when it comes to stress -- either bottling it up and escaping, or fighting back.
World Economic Forum suggests we can support men's health and well-being by encouraging open communication, fostering supportive relationships, and challenging stereotypes around emotional expression and relationships. These are vital steps in promoting men's mental well-being and reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness.
I make it a point of duty to say “I love you” to my young son because males need love too. And I hope he will always knows that I will stand for him.
Life lately…
I hosted the family’s Christmas dinner for the first time, at my big age. I guess you could label me a ‘spoilt child’ since my parents still took care of me well into adulthood…very adult! This meant receiving food such as farm produce from my late father whenever I visited ‘home’, and also being catered to by both parents for Christmas dinner every year. But life changes, and so we change our circumstances to meet life. As the kitchen is my favourite place in the house, I had a ball preparing the meal over two days. What a Merry Christmas it was!
Here's hoping you had a beautiful holiday, and wishing you stay alive in 2025.
I Am Suzette Campbell
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