Editorial Note: Aspects of this story may be disturbing to some readers.
At age 10, Lisha* discovered that the woman who was raising her in a St. Catherine community was not her biological mother. The woman was her aunt who took her at age 2 when her father was shot and killed. A place to call home would repeatedly be a dream deferred as this little girl grew up to face harsher realities of life, including abuse, teenage pregnancy, and motherhood.
“I did not know my biological mother until around age 10. I used to wonder why my siblings treated me differently but eventually I realised that since I wasn’t their mother’s child, I wouldn’t get the same treatment,” Lisha said.
Despite everything, Lisha says she was grateful. She attended a high school in Linstead where she performed well. However, at age 19, her life took a turn when she got pregnant. “The lady who raised me did not accept me being pregnant even though I had done well in school, so I had it rough ever since,” she said.
So rough, that she went through her pregnancy without prenatal care and gave birth to her son at home. Lisha says she had sought love from her biological mother who by this time was residing in the area. “I wanted to make up for the lost years, so I was living in with her”.
But the motherly love she anticipated did not materialise. “My biological mother did not treat me well. I had no help. I was not a rude child. I just got caught up in something that was bigger than me. I was a child who went to church, sang on the choir, did everything and had high expectations. But the pregnancy seems to have thrown everyone under the bus, especially me. I didn’t get the opportunity to further my studies,” she said.
By the time her son was 3 years old, Lisha’s world was turned upside down with a second pregnancy. “I had not found my footing after the first pregnancy so the second one automatically made the situation worse,” she said.
Sharing a one room dwelling with her mother, as well as her teenaged brother would end up being a life altering and traumatic experience. “He was watching porn and I told him he cannot be watching porn in a one room space with a child. So, I unplugged the TV, and he began to fight me. He pushed me and I fell hitting my head on the gas cylinder,” she explained.
The injury resulted in her being unconscious and hospitalised. When she finally came to, her mother said the unthinkable. “My mother said, if I let the police lock up her son, she is going send men to kill me. I chose not to be around them after this and went to live with my aunt who is my mother’s sister. She wasn’t nice either, but she was willing to help so I took the opportunity to live there,” Lisha said.
Lisha landed a job at a bar near her aunt's house. “When my son was 7 years old, I was getting ready to go on the road one morning and I saw my son crying. I asked him why he was crying, and he just kept saying I must not leave him. So, I slapped him,” she said.
Lisha was not prepared for what her son was about to say. “When I slapped him, he said “Mommy don’t slap me, because every time you leave, *John puts his ***** in my mouth and my sister’s mouth. He threatened me and said he is going to kill us if we tell anyone.” My daughter was 4 years old. I had a total breakdown and I just started to run,” a tearful Lisha explained.
John was her aunt’s son whom she says she had a good relationship with and often asked to watch her children. In shock and disbelief, Lisha says she thought she was losing her mind. She took off and slept at a bus shelter that night. The neighbours called the police.
“I don’t have words to explain how I felt. I was taking my daughter to doctor for sores on her mouth and they kept telling me they didn’t know what was causing it. The police came and took the children and examined them. This is when it was revealed that they had chlamydia in their mouth. My daughter didn’t understand what had happened to her,” she said.
Lisha says it was only then that her family believed what she had said about her children being abused. “Nobody believed us. No daddy stood beside me. I was all alone,” she said.
Not surprisingly, the Government took the two children and placed them in a home. “They said I was incapable of taking care of them and I didn’t have anywhere to live. I eventually stayed with a boyfriend, but he didn’t treat me well, so it didn’t last,” she said.
Lisha’s friend took her in, and she got employed to another bar. She was allowed to see her children on Sundays only. Determined to not let her children remain in state care, an ambitious Lisha was serious about work.
“I met a man who owns a wholesale and I told him that I will take any type of job in the wholesale. Anything, but a bar would do. He called me one morning and said two staff members were going on leave for two weeks back-to-back. If I could work for them, that would be one month, and we could take it from there. He said I could rent my own place and prove to the judge that I am capable of taking care of my own kids,” Lisha said.
Lisha took the 4-week offer and on the final day she went to her boss’ office to say thanks. “I wasn’t sure how I would manage to sustain it, so I didn’t rent a place for myself. When I went in, he offered me an extension with the hope for permanent employment. This was the turn in my life that I needed,” she said.
She excelled at the wholesale and was promoted to managing it for 8 years. “I got a place to live, I went to court, I got my children and I started living,” she said.
Lisha says she got back her kids about 6 months after she started the job at the wholesale. “I almost lost them in the system because persons wanted to adopt. They didn’t even want to give them to me because they were questioning who would have taken care of them when I went to work, so I had to get the grandmothers involved to confirm that they would be assisting me,” she said.
Lisha sent one child to each grandmother, including her own mother, for a while until she was able to have them under one her roof. Her son did well in the Grade Six Achievement Test (GSAT) and was placed a prominent high school. He passed 8 Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate (CSEC) subjects. “Everything was going well, until a shift took place more than one year ago,” she said.
It is her dream to buy a home, so she has been trying to save money to deposit on a house. But a series of unfortunate events, including job loss and financial losses from salary savings and entrepreneurial ventures, has put this dream on pause.
Unemployed again and heavily indebted due to losses incurred from the ventures, she was struggling to find a way to send her son to university. “I was looking through my phone and I saw this advertisement and decided to apply for a job at a call centre. I got through and I am there with hope. I paid my son’s entry fee for university recently because he should have started from September,” Lisha said.
Despite the heartache, hardships, panic attack and suicide attempts, Lisha is optimistic today and finds comfort in spirituality. “I just want you to know that sometimes, persons are going through some stuff and all they have is God. Nothing else is there but God. When my landlord came and said I would have to leave, I knew something would come up and that’s when I got the job. I trust God because he gave me so much strength through prayer. I might not have everything, but I have faith that everything is going to be ok,” she said.
Lisha says her son stands firmly by her side and has promised to work and help her. Her daughter is brilliant in high school but is struggling with effects of seeing Lisha having a panic attack, to the extent that she requires counselling and medical treatment. Now 36 years old, Lisha has a third child, a son who is 4 years old and attending school.
Lisha still experiences challenges, but has entrepreneurial dreams as she is determined to rise again like the phoenix. “Life happens. But I want someone to know that even when you don’t see the brightest of days, you still have to hold on to life. I know I will give you a better part of my story soon because I know a better day is coming. I hope it will give someone hope,” she said.
This week’s blog is dedicated to all mothers. Happy Mother’s Day!
Lisha, thanks for contacting me and asking me to tell your story. It was difficult to hear and write, but my utmost pleasure. I wish you and your children all the best and hope that you become debt free, find success, a home of your own, and true love.
I Am Suzette Campbell.
*Denotes name change for protection of identity.
Note: Originally published on May 7, 2022
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